I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
