no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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