Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
false alarm, still single
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
