woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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