nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
