grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
