if i died would you start the facebook group?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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