I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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