Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
