Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize