Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
