my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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