someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
