wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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