do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
