We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I am one with the molecules
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
