At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
