he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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