I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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