my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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