Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
