They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
