I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
