i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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