just tell him i said nine months
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
