She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
