OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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