Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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