She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
