Your dad touched me again.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
