U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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