we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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