She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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