You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize