what day is it and did you see me today?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
