Where are you?
In a non slutty way
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
