Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
