I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
