I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
