ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
