What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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