If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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