Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
