You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Let's get the cat blown out
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
