just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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