my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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