I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
