You're my little dorito
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
