3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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