the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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