I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
