There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
