We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
