the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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