my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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