To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
