Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
