I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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