you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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