You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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