Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
