My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I've blown a few things in my day
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
