just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
And my parents said I crawled through the house
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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